One of my early posts was all googlyboogly about telling the truth, like it was No. Big. Deal.  In Nia we talk of the 5 levels of truth telling…

Truth –

To myself about myself

To myself about another

To another about myself

To that other about another

To everyone about anything

                                          Lazaris

Today’s truth to another about myself is difficult for me to share.  I am feeling depressed, unmotivated and like nothing will ever change.  Even as I write these feelings, I feel absurdly self absorbed and immediately want to say all my gratitudes in machinegun fashion.  But no matter what I’ve done this morning – dance breaks (the one/two punch of music AND movement), connections with others, walk in nature, hydration, inspirational readings, play with the dogs – I still feel stuck, depressed and like why in the world should I even attempt to write anything for you today.

So I decided to write about exactly where I am – feeling totally f**ked.

I don’t do well with physical injury.  Or cold.  Or sugar.  Or inactivity.  And I’ve had a longer than normal and “other” induced exposure to all of the above (well, the sugar was self induced, truth be told).  And by writing the truth to you, I feel a slight obligation to take action to see if I can move out of this emotional muck.  Which only makes me start crying – poor me, guilt that I can’t walk the dogs properly, guilt about the mac and cheese when I can’t burn it off with my regular form of exercise, guilt that I can’t be a happy role model in this moment or just fake it ‘til I make it… blah, blah, blah – boring infinitum pity party.

I was slightly inspired by one of last week’s DailyGood.com – Animator for Pixar, Bernard Haux talks to Leo Babauta about 8 habits of creatives.  One of them is tenacity – he talks about a friend who drew a picture everyday for three years.  Tenacity, perseverance, practice – whatever you want to call it – that’s what helps us become expert.  Haux shared “Looney Toons legendary animator Chuck Jones’ assertion that you have to draw 100,000 bad drawings before you have a good drawing.”

Ok, so another week in a row I’ve put words in space.

Thank you for your patience while I deliver a less than stellar post on my journey of tenacity and truth.  I’d love to read about how you flex your tenacity muscles especially when you find yourself off your peak.

murky love and stagnant hugs,
j